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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Restaurants
Smoking
Peeing
Witty
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Humorous
Sections
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Restaurant
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Making
Swimming
Like
Pool
More quotes by George Carlin
Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
George Carlin
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
George Carlin
There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
George Carlin
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
George Carlin
Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin
Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
George Carlin
Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
George Carlin
I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
George Carlin
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
George Carlin
I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
George Carlin
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin
On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
George Carlin
Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
George Carlin
That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
George Carlin
Suppose I could shoot myself in the mouth, but what if I miss? People will laugh at me.
George Carlin
I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
George Carlin
If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
