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What if there were no hypothetical questions?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hypothetical
Questions
Inspirational
Life
More quotes by George Carlin
By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
George Carlin
When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
George Carlin
I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
George Carlin
You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
George Carlin
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
George Carlin
With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
George Carlin
Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
George Carlin
Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
George Carlin
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
George Carlin
