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What if there were no hypothetical questions?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Hypothetical
Questions
Inspirational
Life
More quotes by George Carlin
Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
George Carlin
The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
George Carlin
The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
George Carlin
I don't get all choked up about yellow ribbons and American flags. I see them as symbols, and I leave them to the symbol-minded.
George Carlin
They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
George Carlin
I respect animals. I have more sympathy for an injured or dead animal than I do for an injured or dead human being, because human beings participate and cooperate in their own undoing. Animals are completely innocent. There are no innocent human beings.
George Carlin
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
George Carlin
When you look at the average American you realize there's nothing nature enjoys more than a good joke.
George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
George Carlin
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
George Carlin
There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
George Carlin
All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
George Carlin
Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
George Carlin
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment, because I feel if I have my physical space in order, then I'm free to dream.
George Carlin
And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was conceived without Original Sin. That's all it has ever meant. And according to the tabloids, Mary is apparently the only one who can make such a claim. The Jesus thing is called virgin birth.
George Carlin
How old are you? 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
George Carlin
