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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Gave
Sarcastic
Funny
Weekend
Christian
Jews
Three
Sunday
Witty
Jew
Friday
Christians
Muslims
Humorous
Saturday
More quotes by George Carlin
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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The highly motivated people in society are the ones causing all the trouble. It's not the lazy unmotivated folks sitting in front of a TV eating potato chips who bother anyone.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Religion is sort of like a lift in your shoes. If it makes you feel better, fine. Just don't ask me to wear your shoes.
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