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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Christian
Jews
Three
Sunday
Witty
Jew
Friday
Christians
Muslims
Humorous
Saturday
Gave
Sarcastic
Funny
Weekend
More quotes by George Carlin
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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If you have a legal problem, guess how you determine whether or not you need a lawyer. You see a lawyer. Isn't that weird?
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
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There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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