Quote

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humorous
Saturday
Gave
Sarcastic
Funny
Weekend
Christian
Jews
Three
Sunday
Witty
Jew
Friday
Christians
Muslims

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
George Carlin
Image
Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
George Carlin
Image
Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
George Carlin
Image
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
George Carlin
Image
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
Image
Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin
Image
Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
George Carlin
Image
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
Image
People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
George Carlin
Image
It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
George Carlin
Image
If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
Image
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
George Carlin
Image
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
George Carlin
Image
People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
George Carlin
Image
Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
George Carlin
Image
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
Image
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
George Carlin
Image
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
Image
Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
George Carlin
Image
When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin