Quote

The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Gave
Sarcastic
Funny
Weekend
Christian
Jews
Three
Sunday
Witty
Jew
Friday
Christians
Muslims
Humorous
Saturday

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
George Carlin
Image
They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin
Image
Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
George Carlin
Image
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
George Carlin
Image
Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
George Carlin
Image
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
George Carlin
Image
Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
George Carlin
Image
Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
George Carlin
Image
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
George Carlin
Image
If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
George Carlin
Image
You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
George Carlin
Image
There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
George Carlin
Image
I just try to find targets I feel something about and express it my way.
George Carlin
Image
Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
George Carlin
Image
Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
Image
I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
George Carlin
Image
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
Image
The future will soon be a thing of the past.
George Carlin
Image
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
George Carlin
Image
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
George Carlin