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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Suffer
Humor
Suffering
Funny
Enjoy
Doe
Mean
Diarrhea
People
Enjoys

More quotes by George Carlin

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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
George Carlin
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There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
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I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
George Carlin
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
George Carlin
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The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
George Carlin
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I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
George Carlin
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When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
George Carlin
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
George Carlin
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
George Carlin
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
George Carlin
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
George Carlin
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
George Carlin
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
George Carlin
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There's a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
George Carlin
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
George Carlin
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin