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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Mean
Diarrhea
People
Enjoys
Suffer
Humor
Suffering
Funny
Enjoy
Doe

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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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There may or may not be atheists in foxholes, but I'm certain there are none in the Ku Klux Klan.
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If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. Football begins in the fall, when everything's dying.
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People have material needs, but you don't need a deodorant for every different day of the week. You don't need four hundred varieties of mustard. This is what I call too many choices. There are too many choices in America.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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We get what we deserve. They are our elected officials.
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