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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Witty
Humorous
Funny
Idea
Ideas
Really
Good
People
Sarcastic

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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
George Carlin
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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I couldn't commit suicide if my life depended on it.
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There's a thing about cocaine - when I was doing it secretly, it didn't make me very sociable. I forget how others were, but it made me very inner-directed. So being in a sketch and rehearsing and the hail fellow well met camaraderie and all that stuff, I couldn't fake that or force that. It was painful.
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Life is a series of dogs.
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