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Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Funny
Idea
Ideas
Really
Good

More quotes by George Carlin

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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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Don't confuse my point of view with cynicism. The real cynics are the ones who tell you that everything's gonna be all right.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
George Carlin