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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Look
Looks
Always
Tits
Sweater
Sweaters
Pink
Better

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You know who would make an interesting murder-suicide? Madeline Albright and Yanni.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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A pear is a failed apple.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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We spend the early years feeding our brains with information and the latter half trying not to think about it all.
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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When you quit school at an early age, I think you have a lifelong need to show the world - and maybe yourself - that you're really smart after all.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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When you visualize the recent past, do you see it as being somewhere over on the left?
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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