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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Always
Tits
Sweater
Sweaters
Pink
Better
Look
Looks

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They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. But I'm not in a league with Lenny [Bruce], certainly not in terms of social commentary.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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Have you ever started a path? No one seems willing to do this. We don't mind using existing paths, but we rarely start new ones. Do it today. Start a path. Even if it doesn't lead anywhere
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