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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Philosophy
Bits
Practice
Call
Unnerving
Funny
Safety
Doctors
Health
More quotes by George Carlin
Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
George Carlin
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
George Carlin
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
George Carlin
By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
George Carlin
And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
George Carlin
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
George Carlin
hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
George Carlin
Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
George Carlin
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
George Carlin
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
George Carlin
I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
George Carlin
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
George Carlin
Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
George Carlin
I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
George Carlin
Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin
Test of Metal: Will of Iron, Nerves of Steel, Heart of Gold, Balls of Brass.
George Carlin
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
