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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Suck
Lots
Trouble
Ideas
More quotes by George Carlin
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
George Carlin
Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
George Carlin
Why should it be illegal to sell something that's perfectly legal to give away?
George Carlin
I think it keeps the child alive in me. There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people.
George Carlin
We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
George Carlin
I do something about the weather. I stay home.
George Carlin
One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
George Carlin
I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
George Carlin
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
George Carlin
In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
George Carlin
There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
George Carlin
The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
George Carlin
There is nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine ... been here 4 1/2 billion years. We've been here, what, a 100,000 years, maybe 200,000. And we've only been engaged in heavy industry a little over 200 years. 200 years versus 4 1/2 billion. And we have the conceit to think that somehow we're a threat? The planet isn't going away. We are.
George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
George Carlin
Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
George Carlin
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
