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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Suck
Lots
Trouble
Ideas

More quotes by George Carlin

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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
George Carlin
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Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter.
George Carlin
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
George Carlin
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
George Carlin
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
George Carlin
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Why do they bother saying raw sewage? Do some people actually cook that stuff?
George Carlin
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
George Carlin
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
George Carlin
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
George Carlin
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
George Carlin
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
George Carlin
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Rhetoric paints with a broad brush.
George Carlin
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I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
George Carlin
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
George Carlin
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I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
George Carlin
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Life is tough, then you die.
George Carlin
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
George Carlin