Quote

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Things
Men
Burn
Time
Ten
Sky
Loves
Lives
Doesn
Long

More quotes by George Carlin

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Thall shall keep thy religion to thy selves.
George Carlin
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
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Language always gives you away.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
George Carlin
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Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breaths away.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
George Carlin