Quote

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Long
Things
Men
Burn
Time
Ten
Sky
Loves
Lives
Doesn

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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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First I was a mimic. Practically from the moment I began talking, I did impersonations of the people in my neighborhood - the storekeepers, the policemen, my teachers.
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.
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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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The secretiveness. The stealth. Those were obviously the aspects of cocaine use I was addicted to.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
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Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?
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The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
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Cancer research is a growth industry.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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