Quote

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Ten
Sky
Loves
Lives
Doesn
Long
Things
Men
Burn

More quotes by George Carlin

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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
George Carlin
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
George Carlin
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
George Carlin
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
George Carlin
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If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
George Carlin
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
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Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
George Carlin
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
George Carlin