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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Character
Think
Thinking
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Genuine
Therefore

More quotes by George Carlin

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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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And now gay people want to get married... Haven't they suffered enough?
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My father? My father left when I was quite young. Well actually, he was asked to leave. He had trouble metabolizing alcohol.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
George Carlin
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
George Carlin
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
George Carlin
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My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
George Carlin
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
George Carlin
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
George Carlin
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
George Carlin
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
George Carlin
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
George Carlin
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
George Carlin
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There was about a two-year period at the end of the '60s, when I realized I was in the wrong place and entertaining the wrong people with the wrong material and that I was not being true to myself. I went through a metamorphosis into something more authentic for me, a more authentic stage voice and writing voice.
George Carlin
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
George Carlin
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
George Carlin
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
George Carlin
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin