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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Therefore
Funny
Character
Think
Thinking
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Genuine

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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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Your home is your refuge.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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Shopping and buying and getting and having comprise the Great American Addiction. No one is immune. When the underclass riots in this country they don't kill policemen and politicians, they steal merchandise. How embarrassing.
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My left descending septal branch artery decided to close without consultation with any of my other organs. It happened on Saint Patrick's Day, 1978.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
George Carlin
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
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There are two types of people: One strives to control his environment, the other strives not to let his environment control him. I like to control my environment.
George Carlin
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
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Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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A pear is a failed apple.
George Carlin
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
George Carlin
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
George Carlin
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
George Carlin