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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Think
Thinking
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Genuine
Therefore
Funny
Character

More quotes by George Carlin

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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
George Carlin
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
George Carlin
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Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
George Carlin
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hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.
George Carlin
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
George Carlin
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
George Carlin
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
George Carlin
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
George Carlin
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
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Children are not our future, and I can prove it with my usual, flawless logic. Children can't be our future, because by the time the future arrives, they won't be children anymore, so blow me!
George Carlin
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
George Carlin
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
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Hooray for most things!
George Carlin
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
George Carlin
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
George Carlin
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
George Carlin
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
George Carlin