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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Thinking
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Genuine
Therefore
Funny
Character
Think

More quotes by George Carlin

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No one is ever more him/herself than when they really laugh. Their defenses are down. It's very Zen-like, that moment. They are completely open.
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You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
George Carlin
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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It is said that Indians were sometimes named for the first thing they saw when they were born. Makes you wonder why there aren't more Indians named Hairy Pussy, doesn't it?
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
George Carlin
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
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Hooray for most things!
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
George Carlin
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
George Carlin
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
George Carlin