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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Crackers
Permitted
Sarcastic
Vegetarian
Witty
Humorous
Humor
Animal
More quotes by George Carlin
One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
George Carlin
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
George Carlin
Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in it.
George Carlin
One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
George Carlin
How is it possible to have a civil war?
George Carlin
You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
George Carlin
When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion... Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do.
George Carlin
Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
George Carlin
Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
George Carlin
President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
George Carlin
Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
George Carlin
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
George Carlin
I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
George Carlin
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
George Carlin
Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
George Carlin
We created god in our own image and likeness!
George Carlin
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
George Carlin
I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
How come when it's us, it's an abortion, and when it's a chicken, it's an omelette? Are we so much better than chickens all of a sudden? When did this happen that we passed chickens in goodness? Name six ways we're better than chickens. See, nobody can do it! You know why? 'Cause chickens are decent people.
George Carlin