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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Crazy
Funny
Truth
Craziness
Women
Ironic
Reason
Wedding
Men
Main
Stupid
Philosophy

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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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If you ask me, we could do with a little less motivation. - The people who are causing all the trouble seem highly motivated to me. - Serial killers, stock swindlers, drug dealers, Christian Republicans.
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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There are actually people who go out and re-fight these battles. You know what I say? Use real ammunition! You just might raise the intelligence level of the American gene pool!
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The mayfly lives only one day. And sometimes it rains.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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So, have a little fun. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family.
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President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war.
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Military cemeteries around the world are packed with brainwashed dead soldiers who were convinced God was on their side. America prays for God to destroy our enemies. Our enemies pray for God to destroy us. Somebody's gonna be disappointed! Somebody's wasting their time! Could it be.. everyone?
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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We created god in our own image and likeness!
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At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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