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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Women
Ironic
Reason
Wedding
Men
Main
Stupid
Philosophy
Crazy
Funny
Truth
Craziness

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I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.
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Flowers are one of the few things we buy, bring home, watch die, and we don't ask for our money back.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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The rebellious mood of the country during those [60th] years allowed me to plug right back into my old hatreds. I could scream and holler, as I did on the albums, against religion, government, big business - all those assholes and their values. That hatred was very real.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Grass probably helped me as much as it hurt me. Especially as a performer.
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Some people try to get out of jury duty by lying. You don't have to lie. Tell the judge the truth. Tell him you'd make a terrific juror because you can spot guilty people.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
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I just love it when I hear a little commotion, someone leaving. When I see those doors in the back . . .
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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