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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Men
Main
Stupid
Philosophy
Crazy
Funny
Truth
Craziness
Women
Ironic
Reason
Wedding

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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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Surround yourself with what you love.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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All music is the blues. All of it.
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My money buys me the freedom not to be a member of the corporate structure. And I certainly don't feel guilty or hypocritical about that. The way our economy is set up, if you don't want to be a corporate moron and you don't want to be enfeebled in the streets, you must earn enough to know that you'll never have to go to them for money.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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I think we overrate ourselves in terms of our abilities and capacities. I mean, just because you can build a really swell bridge doesn't, to my way of thinking, mean that you're an advanced civilization.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Colosseum called the Caesarian Section.
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