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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Funny
Truth
Craziness
Women
Ironic
Reason
Wedding
Men
Main
Stupid
Philosophy
Crazy
More quotes by George Carlin
I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
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They're only words. You can't be afraid of words that speak the truth, even if it's an unpleasant truth.
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
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There's a thrill when you steal something in plain view of other people. When you drop a newspaper over a sign and walk away with it, or take something off a wall and the sound of the glue ripping makes people turn around. Your heart is racing, it's a rush.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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I've never owned a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into.
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