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Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Men
Main
Stupid
Philosophy
Crazy
Funny
Truth
Craziness
Women
Ironic
Reason
Wedding

More quotes by George Carlin

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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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One of the effects it [cocaine] had on my personality - my moods, my behaviors - was that it inhibited me a lot. It kind of took possibilities out of my world, and made the focus of things very narrow.
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If drumsticks are for playing drums, you would think that breadsticks would be for playing bread, wouldn't you? Would you like some breadsticks? No, thank you, I don't play bread. I play drums. Perhaps I'll have a drum roll.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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Hallucinogens are a value changer...like it or not, it changes your values, it opens up windows (doors of perception.)
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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The whole problem with the world today: private property. If no one owned anything, it would be a lot better. There's even an entire industry devoted to keeping an eye on other people's stuff. This is how stupid it's got. If you decide to get rid of a lot of your stuff, you can give it to a thrift shop or to Goodwill.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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