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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Half
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Funny
Stupidity
Persons
Average
Person
Realize
Think
Humor
Thinking
Stupid
Life
Realizing
Stupider
Humanity
Witty
More quotes by George Carlin
People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another
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Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
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When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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I'm sure Hitler was great with his family.
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I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, 'There is no I in team.' What you should tell them is, 'Maybe not. But there is an I in independence, individuality and integrity.
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Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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Results like these [state of the earth] do not belong on the resumé of a supreme being.
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That's the whole meaning of life, isn't it? Trying to find a place for your stuff.
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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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