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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Persons
Average
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Realize
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Life
Realizing
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Half
Comedian
Funny
Stupidity
More quotes by George Carlin
I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
George Carlin
Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
George Carlin
The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
George Carlin
Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
George Carlin
I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
George Carlin
Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
George Carlin
There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
George Carlin
No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
George Carlin
There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.
George Carlin
If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
George Carlin
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
George Carlin
I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
George Carlin
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
George Carlin
What wine goes with Captain Crunch?
George Carlin
So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
George Carlin
