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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Women
Men
Love
Deal
Deals
Funny
Earth

More quotes by George Carlin

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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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Property is theft. Nobody owns anything. When you die, it all stays here.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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Do you know the nicest thing about looking at pictures of a 1950's baseball park? The only people wearing baseball caps are the players.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s. The temperatures, the ages and the IQ's.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
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I hope I'm beginning a new cycle of energy and creativity. If so, it'll really be my third career. The first was as a straight comic in the Sixties. The second was as a counterculture performer in the Seventies. The third will be...well, that's for others to judge.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it comes from one of my albums, books, HBO specials, or appeared on my website.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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The US Army has announced that although it is true they performed mind-destroying drug tests on hundreds of soldiers in the 1960s, none of the victims have been promoted beyond the rank of lieutenant colonel.
George Carlin