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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Deal
Deals
Funny
Earth
Women
Men
Love

More quotes by George Carlin

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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
George Carlin
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Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!
George Carlin
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And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
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To me, smoking pot meant sitting with a newspaper on my legs, rolling the seeds down, pulling the twigs out and finally producing a perfectly cylindrical, absolutely wonderful joint that you either locked at both ends or pinched off, or pinched at one end and left open at the other.
George Carlin
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
George Carlin
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
George Carlin
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
George Carlin
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It's the old American Double Standard, ya know: Say one thing, do somethin' different. And of course this country is founded on the double standard. That's our history. We were founded on a very basic double standard: This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free.
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People who own everything know how to relax a little and bend and exhale once in a while, but they're not going to let it get out of control.
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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I'm in favor of personal growth as long as it doesn't include malignant tumors.
George Carlin
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
George Carlin
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
George Carlin
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So far, this is the oldest I've been.
George Carlin
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
George Carlin
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
George Carlin