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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Baby
Babies
Humor
Sarcastic
Funny
Mothers
Use
Feed
Mother
Witty
Toothpicks
Thought
Humorous
Spoons
Littles
Chinese
Forks
Little
Tiny
Wondered
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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I believe my first duty is to survive. And I'm not just talking about criminals coming into my home. I once seriously considered getting a gun to protect myself from the police. If I need a weapon to continue living, I'll get one. And I'll use it.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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I'm thinking of buying a church and changing it around: maybe selling crack and having a few whores in the pew.
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There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting!
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The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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Being a Dodgers fan led to my first Air Force court-martial, but that's another story.
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Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
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