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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Perspective
Empty
Full
Half
Pessimism
Bigs
Twice
Others
Optimism
Needs
Glass
People
Glasses

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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The keys to America: The cross, the brew, the dollar, and the gun.
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One of the interesting things about outsidership is that underneath it there's a longing to belong. I just wish the thing I refused to belong to - the species, Western capital culture - was a little more respectable. My one true relaxation is my flotation tank, in which I can either meditate or just drift off.
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In the 'bullshit department' a businessman can't hold a candle to a clergyman.
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Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
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You never see a smiling runner.
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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The good lord tripped me up behind the line of scrimmage.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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