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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
People
Glasses
Perspective
Empty
Full
Half
Pessimism
Bigs
Twice
Others
Optimism
Needs
Glass

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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.
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What occurs as you age is an accumulation of information, data, knowledge, and what I'm going to call the matrix of the mind. There's just a rich, textured, field of information and impressions that have been all networked by the brain.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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When you think about it, 12:15 P.M. is actually 11:75 A.M.
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It's a keep your fingers crossed business, the entertainment business.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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You can't fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
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When he got loaded, the human cannonball knew there were not many men of his caliber.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
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Religion is just mind control.
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Two things happened. The creative side of my career was harmed. When I'd sit down and write under the influence of coke, the ratio of pages kept to pages thrown out declined drastically. But onstage, when rapping about a feeling I already owned, I would sometimes get a burst of eloquence.
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You take 5 white guys and you take 5 black guys and put em together for a week and what you won't have is 5 blacks guys talking like, 'Golly gee, we really won that big basketball game' but you will have 5 white guys talking like 'Yo slick, whuzzup...we be shootin hoops and mad playin, slammed those mofos
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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