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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Full
Half
Pessimism
Bigs
Twice
Others
Optimism
Needs
Glass
People
Glasses
Perspective
Empty

More quotes by George Carlin

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The Human Species could have been great but instead we became satisfied with lights on our tennis shoes.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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They say that instead of cursing the darkness, one should light a candle. Nothing is mentioned, though, about cursing a lack of candles.
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A crazy person doesn't really lose his mind. It just becomes something more entertaining.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
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The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers.. but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Because you have the illusion of choice!
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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