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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Call
American
Funny
Dream
Asleep
Believe
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Wealth

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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Does killing time damage eternity?
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Hitler never bothered with restaurant reservations he just dropped by. And somehow they always found him a table.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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By elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
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If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else.
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