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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Call
American
Funny
Dream
Asleep
Believe
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Wealth
More quotes by George Carlin
Whereas your blackness, ethnicity, homosexuality is something that might be genetic, I can't touch that, and I have no right.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class young men off to die. It always has been.
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
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Personally, emotionally, I'd rather divorce myself from the world than face the heartbreak of partial success. Because partial success implies overwhelming failure.
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What year did Jesus think it was?
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There are ten thousand people in the United States in a persistent vegetative state. Just enough to start a small town. Think of them as veggie-burghers.
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You live eighty years, and at best you get about six minutes of pure magic.
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Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money.
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.
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We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
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