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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
American
Funny
Dream
Asleep
Believe
Sarcastic
Witty
Humorous
Wealth
Call
More quotes by George Carlin
I call him Governor Bush because that's the only political office he's ever held legally in this country. I don't care where they hang his portrait, I don't care how big his library is. To me, he'll always be Governor Bush. I don't even capitalize his name when I type it anymore.
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Without the laughs, the audience wouldn't be there at all, so in that sense, yes, I am a comedian.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
George Carlin
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
George Carlin
There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
George Carlin
A dog has no shame. If he can do it, you can watch.
George Carlin
Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
George Carlin
Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
George Carlin
Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
George Carlin
Writing is really wonderful art. A lot of this is discovery. A lot of things are lying around waiting to be discovered and that's our job as writers is to just notice them and bring them to life.
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
George Carlin
In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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Somewhere in the world is a doctor who is worse than all other doctors...and someone has an appointment with him in the morning.
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One philosopher has rightly said that property is theft. But I'd like to use my future ownership of property to give something back.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.
George Carlin
I profess no belief in God, which by definition is true, especially if we take the accepted definition of God. But to be an atheist is to also have a belief, and have a system, and I don't know that I like that either.
George Carlin
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
George Carlin
No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
George Carlin
