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What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Year
Religion
Jesus
Funny
Years
Think
Thinking
Genuine

More quotes by George Carlin

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I think we’re part of a greater wisdom that we will ever understand a higher order, call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is.
George Carlin
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So I do have this ambivalence. Obviously I'm against militaries, because of what militaries do. In many ways though, the air force was unmilitary-like. They dropped bombs on people, but...they had a golf course.
George Carlin
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
George Carlin
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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
George Carlin
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
George Carlin
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Political discourse has been reduced to Where's the beef? Read my lips, and Make my day. Where are the assassins when we really need them?
George Carlin
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One time. In 1965. August, for about an hour, I was both fine AND dandy at the same time. But nobody asked me how I was.
George Carlin
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
George Carlin
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
George Carlin
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I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
George Carlin
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I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
George Carlin
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
George Carlin
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
George Carlin
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
George Carlin
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
George Carlin
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
George Carlin
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It's depressing to see blacks wanting to dive into the mainstream of American commercial life. They come from a magnificent African culture based on aesthetics, and they all want to become fort builders like the vicious people who originally enslaved them.
George Carlin
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I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.
George Carlin
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
George Carlin
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I definitely have a gift for language that is rhythmic and attractive to the ear, and I have interesting [verbal] imagery which I guess is a poetic touch.
George Carlin