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What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Year
Religion
Jesus
Funny
Years
Think
Genuine
Thinking

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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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If God didn't want you to masturbate, he would have given you short arms.
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said about it the better.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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How can it be a spy satellite if they announce on television that it's a spy satellite?
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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Tits always look better in a pink sweater.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts. Germany lost the Second World War. Fascism won it. Believe me, my friend.
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Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
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