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What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Year
Religion
Jesus
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Years
Think
Thinking
Genuine
Humor

More quotes by George Carlin

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What if there were no hypothetical questions?
George Carlin
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
George Carlin
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
George Carlin
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It's difficult enough for a young person to put his soul on the line in front of a lot of drunken people without having that hanging over his head, too.
George Carlin
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You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
George Carlin
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No one is more himself than the moment when he's laughing at a joke. It's at those moments that people's defenses go down, and that's when you can slip in a good idea.
George Carlin
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
George Carlin
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I say things that can be defined as prayers. But I don't pray to a power or ask an entity to intercede in the earthly scheme, because I don't believe that happens. But if I see a really unfortunate person in the street, I do pray, yes, though I suppose it's really more like a mantra to ease my own sorrow.
George Carlin
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I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
George Carlin
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
George Carlin
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Surround yourself with what you love.
George Carlin
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
George Carlin
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At best, God can be viewed as nothing more than an uncaring incompetent father-figure
George Carlin
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I always knew I could hold people's attention and make them laugh every 30 or 40 seconds, and I got approval and attention for that, so the behavior was reinforced. Later, that became an important skill on the street corner.
George Carlin
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Your dog thinks you're a god. Your cat thinks the dog's an asshole.
George Carlin
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
George Carlin
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
George Carlin
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For an entertainer, part of the thing you do is just style. And the coke did help me get into great runs of pure form.
George Carlin
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We think in language. The quality of our thoughts and ideas can only be as good as the quality of our language.
George Carlin