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What year did Jesus think it was?
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Year
Religion
Jesus
Funny
Years
Think
Thinking
Genuine
More quotes by George Carlin
I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
George Carlin
Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?
George Carlin
I always wanted and enjoyed sex, but I never put much importance on scoring or having an athletic sex life. I guess I define myself more by my career and my commitment to a relationship than by my ability to have a lot of chicks or achieve ten orgasms in an evening.
George Carlin
I was a hip kid. When I saw Bambi it was the midnight show.
George Carlin
Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey.
George Carlin
No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
George Carlin
Y'ever notice how you never seem to get laid on Thanksgiving? I think it's because all the coats are on the bed.
George Carlin
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
George Carlin
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
George Carlin
Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
George Carlin
Anger is a handy term and words are tricky, as we know. What one man perceives as anger, another person - in my case the deliverer of material - is, Don't you see it, don't you see how badly you're doing? It's like shaking a child - which you're not supposed to do.
George Carlin
The enjoyment has been diminishing. Now, there's no question that it's sort of fun to get high.
George Carlin
In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
George Carlin
Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
George Carlin
I have this real moron thing I do? It's called thinking.
George Carlin
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
George Carlin
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
George Carlin
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr.
George Carlin
If this is the best God can do, I'm not impressed.
George Carlin
Do you remember Barbara Bush? I call her the silver douchebag.
George Carlin
