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What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Year
Religion
Jesus
Funny
Years
Think
Thinking
Genuine

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The surgeon general warned today that saliva causes stomach cancer. But apparently only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
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You show me a tropical fruit and I'll show you a cocksucker from Guatemala.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
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When I listen to those tapes now, the real cocaine shows there's just nothing special about their content.
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I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!
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Environmentalists changed the word jungle to rain forest, because no one would give them money to save a jungle. Same with swamps and wetlands.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
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There is a planet named Pluto, but we don't have one named Goofy. Goofy would be a good name for this planet. It certainly qualifies.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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I'll bet there aren't too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.
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I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
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Things I wonder about the FBI's list of the Ten Most Wanted criminals: When they catch a guy and he comes off the list, does number eleven automatically move up? And does he see it as a promotion? Does he call his criminal friends and say, I made it, Bruno. I'm finally on the list?
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The more complicated the order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half soy, half lowfat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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