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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Comedy
Urgent
Sure
Gas
Night
Candle
Light
Electric
Seems
Genuine
Edison
Work
Worked
Lamp
Much
Late
Thomas
Made
Seem
Lamps
More quotes by George Carlin
When it comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims...religion.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
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Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music.
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If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would have made our arms shorter.
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The straightest line between a straight distance is two points.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences.
George Carlin
No comment is a comment.
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Before they give you a lethal injection, they swab your arm with alcohol. It's true. Well, they don't want you to get an infection, and you can see their point. They don't want some guy go to hell and be sick.
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If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
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I think tobacco and alcohol warnings are too general. They should be more to the point: 'People who smoke will eventually cough up small pieces of lung.'... And 'Warning!! Alcohol will turn you into the same jerk your father was.'
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends.
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Sometimes a fireman will go to great strenuous lengths to save a raccoon that's stuck in a drainpipe and then go out on the weekend and kill several of them for amusement.
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Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying.
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Besides the drugs and counterculture, I started talking about myself, which is the first thing you do when you are a writer.
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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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