Quote

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Trying
Soon
Good
Already
Things
Example
Comedy
Dusting
Fact
Futility
Facts
Established
Next
Dust
Right
Genuine

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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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I gravitated toward being a funny guy. I liked the radio comedians. I lived in the Golden Age of radio, and the Golden Age of television came along when I was still in my early teens.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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If God is all powerful, can He make a stone so big that He Himself can't lift it?
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Some people think that words can injure the psyche or the moral fiber. And they really can't.
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I really haven't seen this many people in one place since they took group photographs of all the criminals and lawbreakers in the Ronald Reagan administration.
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Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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Whenever you see the word cuisine used instead of the word food, be prepared to pay an additional eighty percent.
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Picture your grandmother in Hell, baking pies... without an oven.
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Sometimes when I'm told to use my own discretion, if no one is looking I'll use someone else's. But I always put it back.
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Ah, to be a bird. To fly the skies, sing my song, and best of all occasionally peck someone's eyes out.
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There are battered husbands. Apparently this happens when the woman is real big, the man is very small, and they each drink a quart of whiskey a day.
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Religion is a self-conferred intellectual decision it's not something you get at birth and is unchangeable. You're collusive with the religion when you accept it you have a choice.
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Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints?
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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