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The status quo sucks.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Life
Sucks
Status

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In terms of coke, the only money I ever thought about was that dollar bill I had stuck up my nose.
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If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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On the other hand, pot opens windows and doors that you may not be able to get through any other way.
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I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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Writing books isn't a drastic departure from writing for the stage.
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One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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I was a stonehead for 30 years. I'd wake up in the morning and if I couldn't decide whether I wanted a joint or not, I'd smoke a joint to figure it out. And I stayed high all day long.
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I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
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I remember when I was a kid I used to come home from Sunday School and my mother would get drunk and try to make pancakes
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Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
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