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The status quo sucks.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Life
Sucks
Status
Humor
Comedy
Funny

More quotes by George Carlin

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How is it possible to have a civil war?
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The Class Clown album was done totally sober. I'd realized what a hell I'd made for myself and I cleaned up completely for three months. You can hear the clarity of my thinking and of my speech on that album.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
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I'll tell you a little secret about the Blues: it's not enough to know which notes to play, you have to know why they need to be played.
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Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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We think in language. We think in words. Language is the landscape of thought.
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Here's a phrase that apparently the airlines simply made up: near miss. They say that if 2 planes almost collide, it's a near miss. Bullshit, my friend. It's a near hit! A collision is a near miss. [WHAM! CRUNCH!] Look, they nearly missed! Yes, but not quite.
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What do dogs do on their day off? Can't lie around – that's their job!
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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On Thanksgiving, you realize you're living in a modern world. Millions of turkeys baste themselves in millions of ovens that clean themselves.
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When people say “clean as a whistle”, they forget that a whistle is full of spit.
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Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
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Know my feelings about traffic laws? Cop didn't see it? I didn't do it.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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I do something about the weather. I stay home.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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I recently bought a book of free verse. For twelve dollars.
George Carlin
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
George Carlin