Quote

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Become
Commonplace
Need
Kick
Needs
Kicks
Genuine
Members
Ovations
Standing
Ovation
Audience
Punch
Another
Corny

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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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As far as I'm concerned, humans have not yet come up with a belief that's worth believing.
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I don't have hobbies hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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I don't understand why prostitution is illegal, Selling is legal, f***ing is legal. So why isn't it legal to sell f***ing? Why should it be illegal to sell something that's legal to give away?
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It is impossible for an abortion clinic to have a waiting list of more than nine months.
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When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.
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I sort of gave up on this whole human adventure a long time ago, divorced myself from it emotionally. It gives me an artistic detachment that I find valuable. I think the human race has squandered its gift, and I think this country has squandered its promise, for the sake of cell phones and Jet Skis.
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I say if you're going to go for the Angel bullshit you might as well go for the Zombie package as well.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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No one who has had Taps played for them has ever been able to hear it.
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How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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That invisible hand of Adam Smith seems to offer an extended middle finger to an awful lot of people.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle.
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If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball.
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When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
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As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money.
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