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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Kill
Comedy
Find
Charge
Genuine

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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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The whole problem with this idea of obscenity and indecency, and all of these things - bad language and whatever - it's all caused by one basic thing, and that is: religious superstition.
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We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
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But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
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Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
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Every time you use the phrase all my life it has a different meaning.
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The word bipartisan usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out.
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One of the more pretentious political self-descriptions is 'Libertarian.' People think it puts them above the fray. It sounds fashionable, and to the uninitiated, faintly dangerous. Actually, it's just one more bullshit political philosophy.
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I think there's a little more attention to human needs than to property rights. But I don't think much of political activism. It's so shortsighted. Most people are interested in their own personal comfort. I've said that about environmentalists. I think they care about bike paths and places to park their Volvos, not the planet as an abstraction.
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Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I believe you can joke about anything.
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Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
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Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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