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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Kill
Comedy
Find
Charge
Genuine

More quotes by George Carlin

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The New Testament is not new anymore' it's thousands of years old. It's time to start calling it the Less Old Testament.
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It's legal for men to be floorwalkers and illegal for women to be streetwalkers.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
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I simply decided that dope wasn't worth the ritual.
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Nothing rectifies out-of-control market failures like a healthy dose of government intervention and mountains of bureaucracy.
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With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.
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Never let the brain idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’ And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s.
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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I'd say pot has been a break-even proposition for me.
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I should think it takes a fairly low intellect to draw pleasure from the following activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick. and then walking after it! An then ..hitting it again!
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Singing is basically a form of pleasant, controlled screaming.
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In Hawaii they say, aloha. That's a nice one, It means both hello and good-bye Which just goes to show, if you spend enough time in the sun you don't know whether you're coming or going.
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Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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The secret of success is doing something you love, doing it well and being recognized for it
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People get all upset about torture, but when you get right down to it, it's really a pretty good way of finding out something a person doesn't want you to know.
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The women who line up at a comic's dressing-room door are not what you'd call your class groupies.
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Catholics are against abortions. Catholics are against homosexuals. But, I can't think of anyone who has less abortions than homosexuals!
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