Quote

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

George Carlin

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Charge
Genuine
Kill
Comedy
Find

More quotes by George Carlin

Image
It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
George Carlin
Image
I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
George Carlin
Image
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
George Carlin
Image
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to.
George Carlin
Image
I finally accepted Jesus. not as my personal savior, but as a man I intend to borrow money from.
George Carlin
Image
My mother and her plans for my future. She had it all worked out. I would attend a nice college, then get a job in advertising. You'll be one of those smart-looking fellows in their Madison Avenue suits. And I rebelled against [my mother] and her values and her plans for my future at every opportunity.
George Carlin
Image
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
George Carlin
Image
I'm 60 years of age. That's 16 Celsius.
George Carlin
Image
My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
George Carlin
Image
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
George Carlin
Image
One of the first things they teach you in Driver's Ed is where to put your hands on the steering wheel. They tell you put 'em at ten o'clock and two o' clock. Never mind that . I put mine at 9:45 and 2:17. Gives me an extra half hour to get where I'm goin'.
George Carlin
Image
I believe myself to be a worthwhile and inventive performer in my own right. [And] I want to be known for what I do best.
George Carlin
Image
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
Image
The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
George Carlin
Image
Broadway isn't a very big career move. There's no money in it and it doesn't mean anything to your career. It's just a nice little jewel in the crown.
George Carlin
Image
There was a built-in audience for the rebel in me that had been all along not expressing himself.
George Carlin
Image
Pacifism is a nice idea but it can get you killed. We're not there yet. Evolution is slow, small pox is fast.
George Carlin
Image
Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.
George Carlin
Image
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
George Carlin
Image
Irony deals with opposites it has nothing to do with coincidence.
George Carlin