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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Charge
Genuine
Kill
Comedy
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You never see a smiling runner.
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I'm 63 now. But that's just 17 Celsius.
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Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to pare compare clothing.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.
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They [the Reagan Administration] want to put street criminals in jail to make life safer for the business criminals. They're against street crime, providing that street isn't Wall Street.
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The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.
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Once the high priests and the traders took over, we were lost as a species.
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I don't own a camera, so I travel with a police sketch artist.
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Avoid people with gold teeth who want to play cards
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If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it!
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I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
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There are three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who cannot.
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All messages from Satan are played forward and are in standard American English.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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The child molester skipped breakfast, but said he'd grab a little something on the way to work.
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What exactly is 'viewer discretion'? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.
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When you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the Freak Show. And when you're born in America, you're given a front row seat. And some of us get to sit there with notebooks.
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