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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Charge
Genuine
Kill
Comedy
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Regarding local residents attempting to ban sex shops from their neighborhoods: You show me a parent who says he's worried about his child's innocence and I'll show you a homeowner trying to maintain equity.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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The planet isn't going anywhere. We are.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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No comment is a comment.
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I can remember staring at the orphanage and feeling envy.
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Lenny Bruce genius was the unique ability to investigate hypocrisy and expose social inequities in a street rap that was really a form of poetry.
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By the age of six or seven, I was already doing voices and faces, making my friends and my mother laugh.
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When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to.
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In the doggie dictionary, under bow wow it says, See arf arf.
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The ritual was very important to me: cleaning the pot, rolling the pot.
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I quit school in ninth grade, even though I was good at the studies. I knew I didn't need school for what I wanted.
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The following statement is true. The previous statement is false.
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We [americans] are not a freedom-loving people in the beautiful, spiritual sense. We have an inspiring Constitution, but we're a hardhearted people.
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I kind of like it when a lot of people die, and on the other hand I always wonder how many unused frequent-flier miles they had.
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No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.
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Every day I break my own personal record for number of days I have been alive.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Praying is begging for an unseen deity to alter the laws of nature for someone admittedly unworthy.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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