Quote

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Time
Periods
Dying
Amount
Comedy
Saliva
Small
Swallowing
Funny
Amounts
Death
Caused
Long
Period

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It seems to me like a perversion of talent for an artist of any kind to further the corporate structure of America or the personal interests of the morons and thieves who run it.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.
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Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
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The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.
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You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.
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Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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Medical researchers have discovered a new disease that has no symptoms. It is impossible to detect, and there is no known cure. Fortunately, no cases have been reported thus far.
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If someone loves you and they leave and don't come back, it was never meant to be. If someone loves you and they leave and come back, set them on fire.
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If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you're gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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I did a lot of thinking, and used mental activity to relieve whatever feelings I had. I became very left-brained, and I was good in school. That is, I was a smart kid.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea.
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By the next one [albom],Occupation: Foole, I was right back into the trip again. I'm more frantic, more breathless. You can hear how sick I am. If you want to see a cokehead, just look at the pictures on the Occupation: Foole album.
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If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
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It was the typical paranoid experience [to hide coke]. As soon as I knew my hiding place, I thought the whole world knew it. I'd write clues to my hiding places in code, then forget the code and spend the rest of the day looking for my coke.
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