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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
George Carlin
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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Good
Texans
Texan
Execution
Fewer
Texas
Genuine
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Part
Executions
More quotes by George Carlin
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
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People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didn't really give me a choice, did ya there buddy?
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Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
George Carlin
Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?
George Carlin
Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
George Carlin
I never worry that all hell will break loose. My concern is that only part of hell will break loose and be much harder to detect.
George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
George Carlin
And, of course, the funniest food: kumquats. I don't even bring them home anymore. I sit there laughing and they go to waste.
George Carlin
I am not a complete vegetarian. I eat only animals that have died in their sleep.
George Carlin
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
George Carlin
Never get on an airplane if the pilot is wearing a hat that has more than three pastel colors.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it's a continuous process.
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I, myself, have killed six people. All random, all undetected, no way to trace them to me. And, let me tell you, there's nothin' like it. It's a great feeling. Yeah, I know, you're thinking. 'Aw, he's a comedian. He's just sayin' that stuff.' Good. That's exactly what I want you to think.
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Sex always has consequences. When Hitler's mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.
George Carlin
A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed twenty-seven people, they say, He was a loner. Well, of course he was a loner he killed everyone he came in contact with.
George Carlin
Why do 'slow down' and 'slow up' mean the same thing? Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
George Carlin
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
George Carlin
