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You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Fewer
Texas
Genuine
Funny
Part
Executions
Good
Texans
Texan
Execution

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Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time.
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When I hear a person talking about political solutions, I know I am not listening to a serious person.
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I find that an entertainer is quite content to sit still, and I think an artist always has a little motion, always going somewhere. May not know where it is, but there is some sort of unnamed destination. There is some pulling, some movement. So I just found myself in that category according to my own analysis.
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It's all bullshit, folks and it's bad for ya.
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If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
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We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life, not life to years.
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Hooray for most things!
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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We now buy watches primarily for their looks, price, or additional functions. The fact that they tell time seems lost.
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Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
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My advice: Just keep movin' straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.
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It's harder to be funny from the position of power.
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Religion has what is EASILY the greatest bullshit story of all time.
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Hey! Who stole my collection of used bandages?! And they also got away with my nude pictures of Ernest Borgnine!
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Dogs and cats get put to sleep hogs and cows get slaughtered.
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There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi.
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I'm not collegial, I don't hang out. I'm soloist, I like my solitude, I don't really hang around with comedians.
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