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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

George Carlin

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George Carlin
Age: 71 †
Born: 1937
Born: May 12
Died: 2008
Died: June 22
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Film Actor
Film Producer
Humorist
Journalist
Manufacturer
Radio Personality
Screenwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
New York City
New York
George Denis Patrick Carlin
Away
Professional
Better
Genuine
Right
Doctors
Something
Building
Comedy
Located
Went
Recently
Called
Noticed
Felt
Doctor

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Comedy is a socially acceptable form of hostility and aggression. That is what comics do, stand the world upside down.
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Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
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I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook.
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If the shoe fits, buy another one just like it.
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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When I first heard the song Don't worry - be happy I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with Me first.
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Art, music, and philosophy are merely poignant examples of what we might have been had not the priests and traders gotten hold of us.
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If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?
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I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . they’re cramming for their final exam.
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I never take credit for anything, because it's mostly genetic to my way of thinking. Even the need to work hard with some genetic talent you're given - the need to go out and develop it, and push hard to bring it to people.
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You're really spread out now, you've got stuff all over the WORLD! You've got stuff at home, stuff in storage, stuff in Honolulu, stuff in Maui, stuff in your pockets...supply lines are getting longer and harder to maintain.
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Interesting form of murder we come up with: Assassination. We assassinate people who've told us to live together in harmony and try to love one another. Apparently we are not ready to live together.
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If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know? If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words? Why is 'phonics' not spelled the way it sounds? How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
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Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.
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The future will soon be a thing of the past.
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